


A Tour of the Mages' Collegium for Prospective Applicants

by tonepoem



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: College, Gen, Yuletide Treat, mages have no constitution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 07:04:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8834992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonepoem/pseuds/tonepoem
Summary: "While most people mistakenly believe Mordenkainen's Hall to be a clear exhibit of brutalism, it's an example of the related but infinitely more subtle style of medusaism.  The alumna in question arranged a staggering number of gelatinous cubes and exercised her particular abilities on them to create the magnificent structure you see before you."





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nausicaa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nausicaa/gifts).



Hello one, hello all! Welcome to the Mages' Collegium. Pay no attention to the prismatic sprays behind you. Some of our graduate students like to welcome prospective freshmen, and it's a good chance to show off.

We'll begin our tour in front of the administration building, which is named Mordenkainen's Hall after--well, I'm sure you _all_ have heard of Mordenkainen, so I'll leave it at that. One of the Collegium's alumni donated her time and expertise to have it made. While most people mistakenly believe Mordenkainen's Hall to be a clear exhibit of brutalism, it's an example of the related but infinitely more subtle style of medusaism. The alumna in question arranged a staggering number of gelatinous cubes and exercised her particular abilities on them to create the magnificent structure you see before you.

Should you be admitted to our elite institution, you'll come to Mordenkainen's Hall to sign up for classes, or add and drop them, that sort of thing. But let's be on our way--you want to see the rest of the Collegium, of course!

From Mordenkainen's Hall, our path leads through the Demons' Plaza. To the east you can see the campanile. The bell-masters play enchanted melodies to ward off the manticores and wyverns that lurk in the woods beyond the Collegium. If you stay on campus you don't have a thing to worry about. And don't heed the rumors of students being carried off by minotaurs and held for ransom. That hasn't happened in over five years.

As we go uphill--good exercise, we mages do need to keep up our Constitution scores or we'll be one-shotted by cats on our first adventures--you can see the marble demon statues from which the Plaza takes its name. The succubus and incubus statues are great favorites for some reason. There's a campus legend that on the night of the Black Moon in the winter, they come to life and embrace, but you couldn't prove it for all of me. If you do go out to try and catch them at it, make sure to dress warmly. We get a lot of pneumonia cases that time of year, and let me tell you, there's nothing like an inconveniently timed sneeze to mess up the verbal components of your spells! Some other time I'll tell you about that classmate of mine who accidentally turned herself into a drider and almost got killed by the Campus Security for her troubles. You see them over there? Paladins, all of them. Humorless lot, the way paladins tend to be. They keep us safe, though, so I don't complain!

This next building all covered in blighted ivy is Cockatrice Hall. It gets its name from its gargoyles, which are cockatrice-shaped. They used to be regular gargoyles until the transmutation students either messed up a class exercise big-time or played a prank on their instructors, depending on which version of the story you believe. An interesting and possibly useful feature of Cockatrice Hall is that there are emergency mirrors throughout the building, just in case you need them. Between the transmuters and the conjurers, you never know.

Across from Cockatrice Hall is Dwarf Hall. There's a lot of talk about how dwarves are not the most magic-using of folk, which is true, but they do know how to cook! Dwarf Hall is where the cafeterias are located, and the tavern, if you're into that sort of thing. Be warned, though--the tavern keeper is a twentieth-level fighter and she won't hesitate to cut you off if you've had too much ale! It's a safety consideration for all of us, you understand. Anyway, a word to the wise: avoid the fire giant cocktail. It's delicious--don't ask how I know--but it'll knock you out for a good week if you have a low Constitution. And, let's be real, we're mages. We all have low Constitution.

This next building with the fancy spires and minarets is Efreeti Hall. It's particularly nice in the winter because it's always well-heated. Most of the evokers study here. If you're ever minded to see a good fireworks display, this is the place for it! Pay attention to the warning signs on any doors you come across, though. Don't go poking your nose where it's not invited or you may find yourself cloudkilled!

Downslope from Efreeti Hall is the Scriptorium, which houses the Collegium's collection of books. All incoming freshmen are taught how to handle fragile old documents, and face it, the ancients may have known some powerful magics but they weren't always great at document preservation techniques. Any of you who plan to study extra languages with those high Intelligence scores of yours will be doing so here. Of course, most of you probably plan to bypass the need for that with Tongues, but you never know when you'll be caught in an antimagic field or the like. Just saying.

Next to Efreeti Hall is--well, the official name is the Zoological Park, but the more vulgar students call it the Cage. Captured or summoned monsters requiring a little extra care and attention are sometimes brought here to be watched over by the expert staff. Oh, don't mind the signs. There's always some Lawful Do-Gooder or another who sneaks by Campus Security to protest the treatment of our monsters. I can assure you that they're kept in good condition and only harvested for material components in the most humane and efficient manner.

Finally, down the way in that little glen is the Dormitory. Unless you're one of the very lucky upperclassmen who draws a single, you'll have to share with a roommate, but think of all the opportunities to learn from each other! To say nothing of late-night discussions of philosophy and magical theory. What's that butterfly-winged creature flitting about, you say? Oh, that's just someone's faerie dragon familiar. Cute, isn't it? Just don't get it mad--they have magic of their own, you know. And don't get nervous about the fact that the Dormitory is close to the Zoological Park. You might hear a little noise in the nighttime but honestly, it's perfectly safe.

Anyway, it's time to return to Mordenkainen's Hall. I hope you've enjoyed this tour, and that we'll be seeing applications from some of you!


End file.
